Grandparenting Across the Miles

Grandparenting Across the Miles
Ideas for Sharing Love, Faith and Family Traditions



Source : parentguide.com

Even long-distance grandparents can be mentors, role models, teachers, historians, spiritual leaders, safety nets, playmates and givers of unconditional love to their grandchildren.

Over the highway and through the traffic, to Grandmother's condo we go! Sure, it's a slight variation on the traditional song, but one that fits the status of many grandparents today. We watch as our children grow up, marry, move, have children or their own and perhaps move again. Grandsons and granddaughters may not be down the road or around the corner as we might wish they were.

Today's children are growing up with the Internet. If we want to remain a vital part of their world, we need to 'get with the program.'

Grandparents, too, change locations. Some sell the family home and move into a townhouse or tour the country in an RV, or settle down in a little cottage by a lake far from the city. If a grandparent and grandchild want to remain connected, they have to find creative ways to carry on their relationship across the miles. It's a bit more challenging than if they lived in the same city or neighborhood, but it can be done, and it can be done successfully, as many grandparents can attest.

Whether you are a new grandparent or a veteran, you may want to consider some of the following activities as you build your long-distance relationship with your grandsons and granddaughters. Here are some ideas, tips and suggestions for developing a lasting bond with their grandchildren whether they live across the street or across the states.

• Be a phone pal. Instead of calling your adult children and then asking to speak to the grandchildren, call the kids first! They will love it. Be ready to ask questions about their friends, interests, school and sports. Take notes so you'll know what to talk about on a follow-up call.
• Go digital We no longer have to wait for our photos to be developed, make copies and then send them through the mail. Nowadays, we can share photos as a digital file over the Internet. The kids will 'see' you almost immediately. They can do the same in return. You can also record messages and footage with a video camera or compile a memory album of special photos.
• Send a 'love package.' Everyone enjoys a surprise gift, and no one more than children. Watch for sales and stock up ahead on small items that you can mail for reasonable postage. Pack chewing gum, creative stickers, flower seeds, coloring books, valentine cards, Easter candy, puzzles and so on. A card with a couple of dollars tucked inside is also a favorite with boys and girls of all ages. No matter what it contains, a 'love package' is a terrific way to say, "I'm thinking of you, miss you and love you."
• Be an instant 'messager.' Modern kids are into IM (Instant Messaging). No child or teen can ignore an IM — especially if it's from Grandma or Grandpa. Thank heaven for the Internet. You can send an e-mail to chat with your grandchildren, regardless of the time zone. Grandparents whose grandchildren live in a foreign country find this to be one of the best 'connection' tools available. Through e-mail you can play games, share books, talk about the latest movies, discuss topics of mutual interest and give and take tips about a hobby you may share.
• Record your voice on tapeor videotape reading a beloved and familiar story, as well as a new story.
• Write a story together. This is a twist on the campfire game in which each person tells a portion of the story, leaving a dangling sentence for the next person to complete. You can do this over e-mail or via a notebook mailed back and forth with each of your portions written out in longhand.
• Give your grandchild a subscription to a children’s magazine. If you’re feeling flush, you can get yourself a subscription, too, so you will know what your grandkids are reading this month and talk about it on the phone. Or ask your grandchild to show you his or her favorite magazines the next time you visit .

If you don't have a computer, it might be a good time to ‘take the plunge’ and get online. Today's children are growing up with the Internet. If we want to remain a vital part of their world, we need to 'get with the program,' as the saying goes.

Grandparenting across the miles takes a little more effort and ingenuity than being there in person, but it's worth whatever it takes. You and your grandchildren will be the richer for it.

Source: www.family.org

Traditional Toys that Makes Great Gift

Source : parentguide.com

Shopping for gifts for children can be a lot of fun, whether you are shopping for your own child or for someone else's. It can also be rather daunting when you are faced with such a huge selection of toys to choose from. If you’re unsure of what to give and aren’t familiar with the child’s interests, there are a number of traditional toys that make great choices for most any child.

There are some traditional toys that make great gifts for children of all ages, and both girls and boys. Bubble toys and water toys are terrific selections during warmer months, while puzzles and board games are perfect for cooler times of the year. Look for traditional toys that are appropriate for the age of the child you are buying for. A toddler can put together simple puzzles with a few large pieces, while a school age child would enjoy a more complex jigsaw puzzle.

If you are looking for a gift for an infant, try traditional toys like rattles or teething toys. Many of these toys feature a variety of activities to entertain and educate babies. Older infants, between 6 and 12 months old, may like soft traditional toys that require more manipulation. Squishy fabric blocks, cuddly dolls with no loose features, and stacking rings are usually well loved toys for this age.

The best traditional toys to select for toddlers include push and pull toys and toys that encourage filling and dumping. Toddlers are just learning to walk, so toys that offer stability as they practice those first steps is usually a favorite. At this age, children also love to experiment with emptying containers. Large blocks inside a box or bin is a perfect gift choice. A few other traditional toys usually adored by toddlers are shape sorters, soft, bouncy balls, and ride on toys.

Preschoolers spend most of their playtime pretending, so traditional toys that encourage dramatic play make great gifts. Dolls and doll accessories are perfect for girls, and many preschool age boys enjoy cars or simple train sets. Toys that resemble household items, like cleaning tools or miniature hammers and screwdrivers, are also a lot of fun at this age. Crayons, coloring books, and sticker books are another fun gift for preschoolers.

Once a child starts school, their interests are becoming more focused and it is often harder to choose the right gift for a child you're not around very often. Kindergartners and first graders are still typically pleased with traditional toys like dolls or cars, but older children may prefer something more mature. Simple craft sets, model cars, and art projects are all ideas of some toys an older child may enjoy. Themed notebooks or journals with neat pens are another great educational gift for older school aged children.

When you shop for a gift for a child, especially if it's a child you don‘t know too well, it is best to look for traditional toys that have been proven over time to continuously entertain and educate children. Themed toys quickly become outdated and electronic toys consistently need new batteries, but traditional toys have been amusing children for decades and will always make great gifts.

By Gary Clay

Source: www.articletrader.com

Internet Safety for the Kids

Source : parentguide.com

There was a day when parents only had to worry about "Street Smarts". If our kids had Street Smarts we didn't have to worry. Then along came the Internet. The Internet is a wondrous tool. It exposes our children to new ideas, cultures and people. But, it also exposes them to dangers.

In addition to resting a bit easier knowing that you have educated your kids to stay safe you will have the satisfaction of being involved in this increasingly important part of their lives. In today's hustle and bustle and with computers and the Internet becoming such an important part of all of our lives, it's a journey you can take together. The Internet really is presenting parents with the opportunity for "quality time for the new millennium."

Online Safety Guidelines for Parents

1. Personal information stays personal. While this is an important rule for children it's also an important rule for parents. Giving information on your family and your children to the wrong person could be dangerous.
2. Make sure your child doesn't spend all of his or her time on the computer.
3. People, not computers, should be their best friends and companions.
4. Keep the computer in a family room, kitchen or living room, not in your child's bedroom. This way parents can monitor what is happening when the child is online. Knowing you are watching, kids are less likely to put themselves in risky situations and you can safely oversee what's going on.
5. Learn enough about computers so you can enjoy them together with your kids.
6. Watch your children when they're online and see where they go.
7. Make sure that your children feel comfortable coming to you with questions. This should apply to all situations including the computer. If your children feel they can trust you they are more likely to come to you with tough problems and questions.
8. Keep kids out of chatrooms or IRCs unless they are monitored.
9. Encourage discussions between you and your child about what they enjoy online. This way you can direct your children to safe sites that fit in with their interests and it helps our children like we want an active role in their lives.
10. Discuss these rules, get your children to agree to adhere to them, and post them near the computer as a reminder.
11. Help them find a balance between computing and other activities.
12. Remember to monitor their compliance with these rules, especially when it comes to the amount of time your children spend on the computer.
13. Get to know their "online friends" just as you get to know all of their other friends.
14. Warn them that people may not be what they seem to be. I can say I'm a 12 year old boy named Billy but I'm not. The Internet provides a cover for people to put on whatever persona's they desire. Predators often pose as children to gain our children's trust.
15. Passwords: Don't give out your passwords and change them frequently.

Excerpt from www.wiredkids.org

Tips for your Safety holiday

25 Holiday Safety Tips

To help your holiday season be accident free, here are some important safety tips for your home beginning with Christmas Trees, Lights, Toys and Visiting Precautions from the American Academy of Pediatrics. Take a moment to review them to ensure a happy and safe holiday season for your family.

Trees
· When purchasing an artificial tree, look for the label "Fire Resistant."
· When purchasing a live tree, check for freshness. A fresh tree is less of a fire hazard. A fresh tree is green, needles are hard to pull from branches and when bent between your fingers, needles do not break. The trunk butt of a fresh tree is sticky with resin, and when tapped on the ground, the tree should not lose many needles.
· When setting up a tree at home, place it away from fireplaces, radiators or portable heaters. Because heated rooms dry live trees out rapidly, be sure to keep the stand filled with water. Place the tree out of the way of traffic and do not block doorways.
· Cut a few inches off the trunk of your tree to expose the fresh wood. This allows for better water absorption and will help to keep your tree from drying out and becoming a fire hazard.
· Check all tree lights-even if you've just purchased them-before hanging them on your tree. Make sure all the bulbs work and that there are no frayed wires, broken sockets or loose connections.

Lights
· Never use electric lights on a metallic tree. The tree can become charged with electricity from faulty lights, and a person touching a branch could be electrocuted.
· Before using lights outdoors, check labels to be sure they have been certified for outdoor use. To hold lights in place, string them through hooks or insulated staples, not nails or tacks. Never pull or tug lights to remove them.
· Plug all outdoor electric decorations into circuits with ground fault circuit interrupters to avoid potential shocks.
· Turn off all lights when you go to bed or leave the house. The lights could short out and start a fire.

Decorations
· Use only non-combustible or flame-resistant materials to trim a tree. Choose tinsel or artificial icicles of plastic or nonleaded metals. Leaded materials are hazardous if ingested by children.
· Never use lighted candles on a tree or near other evergreens. Always use non-flammable holders, and place candles where they will not be knocked down.
· In homes with small children, take special care to avoid decorations that are sharp or breakable, keep trimmings with small removable parts out of the reach of children to avoid the child swallowing or inhaling small pieces, and avoid trimmings that resemble candy or food that may tempt a child to eat them.

Toy Safety
· Follow recommended age ranges on toy packages. Toys that are too advanced could be a safety hazard for younger children.
· Before buying a toy or allowing your child to play with a toy that he has received as a gift, read the instructions carefully. If the toy is appropriate for your child, show him how to use it properly.
· Be careful of holiday gift wrapping, like bags, paper, ribbons and bows. These items can pose suffocation and choking hazards to a small child.
· To prevent both burns and electrical shocks, don't give young children (under age ten) a toy that must be plugged into an electrical outlet. Instead, buy toys that are battery-operated.
· Children under age three can choke on small parts contained in toys or games. Government regulations specify that toys for children under age three cannot have parts less than 1 1/4 inches in diameter and 2 1/4 inches long.
· Children under age 8 can choke or suffocate on uninflated or broken balloons. Remove strings and ribbons from toys before giving them to young children.
· Watch for pull toys with strings that are more than 12 inches in length. They could be a strangulation hazard for babies.

Happy Visiting
· Clean up immediately after a holiday party. A toddler could rise early and choke on leftover food or come in contact with alcohol or tobacco.
· Remember that the homes you visit may not be childproofed. Keep an eye out for danger spots.
· Keep a laminated list with all of the important phone numbers you or a baby-sitter should likely need in case of an emergency. Include the police and fire department, your pediatrician and the poison control center.
· Ask your neighbor if he has a gun before sending your kids over to play. If the answer is yes, you need to make absolutely sure that all guns are stored unloaded and locked - ideally in a gun safe - with ammunition locked separately. Include the question along with other things you might normally discuss before sending your child to someone's house.

Fireplaces
· Use care with "fire salts," which produce colored flames when thrown on wood fires. They contain heavy metals that can cause intense gastrointestinal irritation and vomiting if eaten. Keep them away from children.
· Do not burn wrapping papers in the fireplace. A flash fire may result as wrappings ignite suddenly and burn intensely.

Safety Tips are provided by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Please have a happy and safe holiday season!

The Importance of Music for Children

The Importance of Music for Children

Experts agree that music can strengthen children's minds and serve as a fundamental skill of learning. Music develops children's sense of patterning and memory skills. Some say music "nourishes children's brains". Music stimulates brain connections and can actually make children smarter.

How to add the element of music to your child's life:

1. Play a variety of music in the background when your child is playing.
2. Encourage your child to move to the beat of music and dance with them.
3. Introduce simple instruments to your child such as a play guitar or harmonica.
4. Show your child how to make their own instruments such as simple drums and shakers.
5. Teach your child simple children's songs such as "Eensy, Weensy Spider" and "Mary Had A Little Lamb".
6. Show your child how to keep time to the beat of music through clapping and tapping.
7. Help your child make up their own songs by adding new words to familiar tunes.
8. Sing songs to and with your child.
9. Attend concerts - children's symphony concerts or community concerts in the park.
10. Enroll in children's music programs.

How to keep your child from listening to music you find inappropriate:

Monitor your children's music the same way you supervise their use of television, videos, and the Internet. It has been proven that the actual sound of music has more impact than the lyrics. One study's results showed that kids who listened to heavy-metal music, no matter what the lyrics, displayed negative attitudes and were more angry than those kids who listened to easy-listening music. We all use music for "mood management" and parents who are involved in their children's media choices have a great impact on taming its potentially destructive effects.

1. Stay involved. Listen to your child's music choices with them. If you find something objectionable, clearly explain to them in specifics why you're concerned.
2. Make sure the rules apply to everyone. Young children are often exposed to music that may not be appropriate for their ears through older siblings.
3. Share your favorite selections with your child — and make an effort to appreciate their music. Encouraging your child to explore different kinds of music is likely to benefit them in many ways. Research shows that children whose parents introduce them to, and encourage them to listen to, a variety of music do better in school.

Info. from www.parentcenter.com and www.preschoolexpress.com

Understanding Consequences

Source : parentguide.com

Don't Think JUSTICE, Think HEART CHANGE

think HEART CHANGE. This one truth can change the way you discipline your kids. Many parents think, "Because you did this, you deserve that." That kind of justice mentality doesn't usually produce the desired results.

Consequences should not be viewed as a sentence for committing a "crime," but rather as motivation to bring about heart change. Consequences are tools to get a child's attention. They are preparation for significant discussions to address heart and character issues. Here are some suggestions for planning consequences:

The younger the child, the more immediate the consequence: "Because you keep running away, now you have to ride in the stroller."

As children get older, tie consequences logically to life: "Because you're not finishing your homework assignments, you'll have to get them checked each day by me." (Lack of responsibility requires greater accountability.) "Rachel, since you didn't listen to my warning, and you continued to be wild and broke the lamp, I'm going to ask you to earn the money to replace it."(When children are unresponsive to words of correction, they need to experience the negative consequences of their actions.)

You might ask yourself, "What privilege is my child misusing?" to help determine the consequence. Tie privileges and responsibility together: "Since you are not sticking to the time limits we agreed upon, now you lose the privilege of playing on the computer for awhile." "Jim, because you left your bike out on the front lawn overnight, you're going to lose the privilege of riding it today. You know that if it gets stolen you won't have one to ride at all."

When possible, choose constructive consequences: "Because you continue to be mean to your brother, I want you to choose three ways to show kindness to him."

For more on correcting children, read chapter four in the book, "Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids."

Problem Solving and Decision Making

Source : parentguide.com

How do your children handle problems and decisions? Some children whine, complain, and have bad attitudes. However, problems and decisions make great opportunities to teach children how to face life's challenges.

Families make decisions and solve problems on a daily basis. Parents must make some decisions, and in those cases children need to learn to follow. At other times parents can involve children and teach them to make wise choices.

Developing good decision-making skills gives children the ability to define a problem, imagine consequences of various alternatives, and then choose the best solution among the options. Allowing children to solve some problems for themselves communicates honor to them. It says, "I believe in you. You have what it takes."

Sometimes parents solve problems for children to help them avoid frustration. Be careful that you don't rob your children of learning experiences. Frustration can be a great teacher and can motivate children into new areas. You then can be the counselor or coach as life teaches a valuable lesson.

Don't be too quick to solve a problem or make a decision for your kids. Involve children in the process, not just in the final product. Much of the day-to-day problem-solving and decision-making in family life can demonstrate cooperation and teamwork as parents and children work together. Cooperative decision-making teaches children valuable skills of negotiation, compromise, communication, and creating alternatives. Mutual honor is demonstrated in the midst of cooperation.

For more ways to teach honor in life, look at chapter six in the book, "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids," by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Seven Steps to Better Negotiation With Your Child

Seven Steps to Better Negotiation With Your Child

You walk in and find your child playing computer games instead of cleaning his room. You asked him an hour ago to clean it. In frustration, you blow up, yelling at him to get his room cleaned up or "else." He scrambles around picking up dirty clothes and toys. You stomp off. There has got to be a better way, you think to yourself. Fortunately, there is a better way.

Yelling often gets opposite results and results in a lose/lose situation. Even if you win (get him to clean his room), you lose (feel horrible for yelling). Instead parents can try using negotiation. While, it is not a perfect tool, it will increase the cooperation desired from your child.

Negotiation is a tool that allows parents and children to make a win/win agreement. It is a learned skill and no child, that I know, is born with it. It must be modeled and reinforced by parents. But, because most parents, that I know, were children at one time or another, they were not born with it either.

Therefore, here are several steps for parents to teach negotiation to your child:

Step 1: Know what is negotiable and not negotiable ahead of time. If cleaning his room after dinner is not an acceptable time because company is coming and you need the room picked up now, state firmly but gently, why it is not acceptable to wait. If it is an acceptable time to do the chores, then be flexible and make sure you are both clear on what "after dinner" really means.

Step 2: Be open-minded. Be willing to listen and consider the other person's viewpoint. Stephen Covey, in his book the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," suggests that you seek first to understand the other person before you ask to be understood. If your child appears grumpy and depressed take a moment to find out why. Yelling will only increase the grumps and depression, backfiring on you in moments of revenge or decreased cooperation later.

Step 3: Set a time limit. Keep the negotiation time short to prevent the discussion from getting off track. Most negotiation ends up in the blame game where there are no winners, only losers. Keep things on the specific topic and not on what happened yesterday, last month, or years ago. If you do get off track, simply steer yourself back on the right path by stating, "Let's get back to the issue of when you are to clean your room."

Step 4: Keep it private. Don't embarrass your child by negotiating in front of his friends. He will be more likely to react negatively if he thinks others are watching. Ask to talk to him in a private room or ask for the friend to go home.

Step 5: Stay calm and cool. Don't try to negotiate when feeling you are over heated, tired, or preoccupied with a hundred other things. If the situation gets too hot, suggest taking a few minutes to cool off and then resume the negotiation. Set this up as a ground rule before negotiating if you think a heated discussion is likely.

Step 6: Acknowledge the others' point of view. Even if your child is totally off base, acknowledge his feelings about the chores. Those feelings belong to him and are valid to him even if they are not to you. One way to do this is to say, "I can see how you could feel the way you do given your bad day at school." You never said it was true, just bad for him.

Step 7: Restate the final solution once it is reached. Most failures to cooperate after a negotiation is due to a misunderstanding about what EXACTLY were agreed upon. Write it in contract form if that seems necessary. Of course, negotiation may not be enough. Your child may still not pick up his room. If that happens set firm consequences for failure to cooperate. Remind him of the negotiation and, in the future, write everything down so there is no dispute on the agreement. When he fails to comply, point to the contract and state the consequence. This takes parents out of the uncomfortable judge and jury role.

Most often, children will be testing parents to see if they mean what they say as parents have failed to follow through themselves, in the past.

Source: Ron Huxley is a family therapist, author, speaker, and father of four! His ParentingToolbox.com website offers parents power tools for building a happier, healthier home. Get more info at www.parentingtoolbox.com

Conflict Resolution for Families

Conflict Resolution for Families
Communication is the Key

No matter what our age, we have all experienced conflicts. They are a natural part of life and families are no exception. Traditionally, people in conflict have reacted in a fight or flight way, avoiding or attacking conflict. Conflict resolution strategies allow us to resolve conflict in a way where everyone wins. In addition, when children use conflict resolution strategies to work out their problems, they are learning the lifelong skills of communication and problem solving.

The key to resolving conflicts in a win-win manner is good communication. Conflicts are often just misunderstandings that could be avoided with active listening and the use of I statements.

Help your child build communication skills by practicing these active listening steps:

• Maintain good eye contact
• Concentrate on what is being said
• Avoid interrupting the speaker
• Ask appropriate questions
• Summarize what was said

I statements are a respectful and effective way to communicate during a conflict by allowing the speaker to be assertive and responsible for his/her actions. There are four simple steps to the I statement:

• Show respect by using the person's name
• Say how you feel
• Tell what happened that made you feel that way
• Say what you want done

For example: "Tim, I feel frustrated when you leave dirty dishes in the sink. I would like you to put them in the dishwasher." It is important to avoid words such as always, never, every time, and all the time since they imply blame and may put the listener on the defensive.

By being good models and teaching children how to effectively communicate, we'll create peaceful homes where conflicts are solved in a calm and dignified way.

About the Author: Jan Urbanski is a Prevention Specialist for Safe and Drug Free Schools with the Pinellas County School System.

Top Ten Reasons to Hold Family Meetings

Source : parentguide.com

1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a closer family. In this very busy world, designating this time every week is one way to ensure that family members stay connected with one another. Relationships are living things, and must be nurtured. Family meetings are about nourishing our relationships with the most important people in our lives. Form the habit of connecting regularly.

2. Create family value statements and operating principles. Family meetings give you a chance to discuss what's important to you as a family and to create family value statements, which reflect your collective thoughts. Similarly, they give you a chance to talk about how you want to operate together as a family and treat one another, by developing family operating principles.

3. Share appreciations and give thanks for our many blessings. This is a way to give children and adults permission to let one another know how much they are appreciated, and to share the many things they have to be thankful for. It is far too easy to take the blessings in our lives, and our loved ones, for granted if we do not form the habit of appreciating on a regular basis.

4. Improves family communication. More and more today, family members are going in different directions and at break-neck speed. Add to this the fact that each person is unique and perceives the world in his or her own way. Miscommunication can cause hard feelings. It is crucial to never assume that what you are saying is being understood the way you intended it, or that you are understanding what others are trying to tell you. Always take the time to check perceptions. The family meeting can be a "rest area" where time is set aside to make certain that communications are clear.

5. Provide leadership experience. Everyone gets a turn at leading the family meetings. This is a great way for children to get early leadership experience. Be certain that their contributions in this regard are honored and respected. You will be building a confident future leader, who will experience the joy of positive leadership.

6. Offers an opportunity to stay current regarding upcoming commitments, activities, and events. Family meetings are wonderful opportunities to review the family calendar, clarify who needs to be where and when, as well as who will be taking responsibility for what. Once again, clear communication and joint planning can relieve the ongoing stress of busy lives.

7. Gives an avenue to celebrate each other's successes. This is most important. Family meetings should always contain a time to celebrate successes of each family member during the week. These need not be big, monumental events but can simply be every day successes. This not only creates pride and joy in daily life, but also forms the habit in each family member of looking for the positive in one another.

8. Provides time to plan family vacations, activities, and special events. This gives everyone in the family a chance to give their input into a family trip or experience, rather than the adults always doing the planning. When the whole family is involved, everyone is much more likely to enjoy the event. Investment in family activities, for each member, is often directly proportional to his or her involvement in the planning. A richer shared experience is most often the result.

9. Establish a safe, respectful environment to problem solve. By following the family's operating principles, and with open and honest communication, children will learn that problems can be discussed openly and solved respectfully together. Creating win-win solutions takes practice, for adults as well as for children and youth.

10. Have fun together. These meetings provide a great opportunity for the family to participate in fun family activities. As family members get to know one another better, share stories, laugh, and problem solve together, deeper relationships develop. Try to weave fun into every family meeting.

Copyright 2004 by CoachVille & Dan and Suzanne Bond Duplication, with attribution, permitted and encouraged.
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