Conflict Resolution for Families
Communication is the Key
No matter what our age, we have all experienced conflicts. They are a natural part of life and families are no exception. Traditionally, people in conflict have reacted in a fight or flight way, avoiding or attacking conflict. Conflict resolution strategies allow us to resolve conflict in a way where everyone wins. In addition, when children use conflict resolution strategies to work out their problems, they are learning the lifelong skills of communication and problem solving.
The key to resolving conflicts in a win-win manner is good communication. Conflicts are often just misunderstandings that could be avoided with active listening and the use of I statements.
Help your child build communication skills by practicing these active listening steps:
- Maintain good eye contact
- Concentrate on what is being said
- Avoid interrupting the speaker
- Ask appropriate questions
- Summarize what was said
I statements are a respectful and effective way to communicate during a conflict by allowing the speaker to be assertive and responsible for his/her actions. There are four simple steps to the I statement:
- Show respect by using the person's name
- Say how you feel
- Tell what happened that made you feel that way
- Say what you want done
For example: "Tim, I feel frustrated when you leave dirty dishes in the sink. I would like you to put them in the dishwasher." It is important to avoid words such as always, never, every time, and all the time since they imply blame and may put the listener on the defensive.
By being good models and teaching children how to effectively communicate, we'll create peaceful homes where conflicts are solved in a calm and dignified way.
About the Author: Jan Urbanski is a Prevention Specialist for Safe and Drug Free Schools with the Pinellas County School System.
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